limbo

I’m really confused right now.  I’m in DC, the city I’ve dreamed of for most of my life and things just aren’t working out.  Part of me wants to return to Kansas City, part of me wants to stay here.  

There is a really cool internship in KC that I just found out about and I’m currently applying for and I think I could be very happy there.  But at the same time, I’ve worked so hard to get here that it seems like even just a month is giving up too soon. And I want to work here, I don’t want to go home saying I couldn’t find a job. 

And then there’s the matter of Matt.  I want to maintain our relationship - and after last weekend’s drama it’s obvious that me being in DC indefinitely is going to make that really hard.  And while I’m willing to work hard to make it work, I don’t know about Matt.  And, if I choose to leave DC feeling as though I might not have given it a fair chance, in order to better the chances of our relationship working, is that really fair?  

I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what is okay to expect of others in this process.  It’s really frustrating.