I’m here!

And I already want to go home.  How ridiculous is that?   I’m not good at telling people goodbye, especially when I have no idea when I’ll see them again.  Or, being a horrible friend and not telling my best friend goodbye at all.  How shitty of a person am I?  I didn’t say goodbye to my best friend and had some lame excuse about not being able to handle any more goodbyes.  I left my boyfriend of almost three years to travel across the country hoping for a job, any job.  Because I’ve gotten it into my head that I can’t be happy in Kansas City without trying DC first. 

I’m homesick already and I’ve only been here for 4 hours.  I’m cranky because I couldn’t sleep, my plane was two hours late due to a thunderstorm, and I miss Katy and Matt so much it hurts.  I can’t figure out why something I want to be so excited about is so hard to actually do?  Is this really where I am supposed to be?  

I’m so caught up in my damn emotions that I haven’t even started to think about my interview tomorrow.  

And today is the five year anniversary of my grandma’s death - Something I still can’t deal with.  Grandpa has been remarried for three and a half years already and I still can’t stop being upset about Grandma dying.  There are days that I replay almost every second of June 24, 2003 in my head.  That can’t be healthy.  

I’ve got to get this shit figured out.  Hopefully with less crying.