I’m tired of tumblr.  I’ve moved (again) to wordpress.  Find me here.

Emily and I had a date tonight.  We ate Thai food and witnessed the amazing-ness that is Mamma Mia.  I still have qualms about Pierce Brosnan singing (without his shirt, something I’ve not seen since James Bond and I think I would have liked it to remain that way), but overall it was everything we hoped for and more.

We followed it up by listening to the soundtrack purchased before we saw the movie all the way to Adams Morgan to find a bar we never found and home.  Now it’s currently copying to my computer and I agree with the reviewer from Slate, I’d go back to see this movie right now.  

I really miss Matt.  

It’s not that I’ve not been missing him before this weekend, but there’s been a whole lot of coupling up within my group of friends out here and it just sucks that my boyfriend is 1800 miles away.  I want my someone to hold hands with, cuddle with, to kiss goodnight.  I think I’m a little jealous.  

There’s a lot more to this story, but I’m not exactly sure who reads this (except you dad) so I can’t really get into it.  

In other news, I’ve applied to several temp agencies in DC, three of them specialize in nonprofit staffing.  I’m pretty excited about the prospects there, so hopefully something will work out.  

As for a permanent job, I’m still applying both in DC and KC.  There are few really awesome jobs I’ve found in KC, but I really want to stay out here for a while.  While most of this still depends on where I find a job, I think I’m going to plan on staying out here until I for sure have a job in KC.  I don’t want to play this same application game in KC all over again.  This will work out if I manage to pull down some temp jobs.  If I don’t, I’m not sure where I’ll go/what I’ll do.  

It’s weird how at home I feel out here. A big part of it is many of my core group of friends are out here as well.  All I’d really need is a great job and Matt out here and life would be perfect!  

I’m really confused right now.  I’m in DC, the city I’ve dreamed of for most of my life and things just aren’t working out.  Part of me wants to return to Kansas City, part of me wants to stay here.  

There is a really cool internship in KC that I just found out about and I’m currently applying for and I think I could be very happy there.  But at the same time, I’ve worked so hard to get here that it seems like even just a month is giving up too soon. And I want to work here, I don’t want to go home saying I couldn’t find a job. 

And then there’s the matter of Matt.  I want to maintain our relationship - and after last weekend’s drama it’s obvious that me being in DC indefinitely is going to make that really hard.  And while I’m willing to work hard to make it work, I don’t know about Matt.  And, if I choose to leave DC feeling as though I might not have given it a fair chance, in order to better the chances of our relationship working, is that really fair?  

I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what is okay to expect of others in this process.  It’s really frustrating.  

false alarm?  well, not really.  But we decided that this is the opportunity to evaluate our relationship and what we want.

needless to say, I’m super relieved.  

we’re back on track.  

And I love my friends.  They are super supportive and even sometimes cute about it.  Ways to distract me so I wouldn’t spend a lot of time alone crying.  They’re awesome.

two years, ten months and six days.  

I’m sad, I’m hurting and I’m really confused.  It’s really hard to comprehend how someone you love and trust so much can hurt you this badly.  

I want to wake up in the morning and this be a bad dream.  

I took take a lot of things for granted.  

I’m in DC

I miss Matt

I miss KC

I want the job at MOCSA

I’m so excited to be in DC

I’m glad I came out, even with the horrid homesickness the first two days.

I really wish everyone could come out here with me.

I miss my family.  

I miss Matt.

Today was much better than yesterday. Yesterday was rough.  Real rough.  But, I had my Goodwill interview and it was okay.  I don’t know that I’m the right person for that job and I’m okay with that.  I’ll keep looking for something closer in the district, and probably still send out a few resumes to places in KC, and see where that gets me.  Budget-wise, I can probably make it through July, so that’s plenty of time. 

I hate that I get so homesick whenever I go somewhere.  I think if I had one wish, I would wish to stop getting homesick.  It’s horrible.  Oh well, I think I’ve made it through this bout fairly unscathed.